Demonic Angel

Time can be so cruel, life is just naturally unfair. It's impossible to have everything you want, maybe it isn't possible, but when it is, it's like were being teased, or tested if we appreaciated the blessing each day, and when we took it for granted, when we forgot about it, it gets taken away. That's how you realize how important something is to you. Life is a circle of good karma and bad karma.

Im thankful that I had not taken anything for granted, thankful that i have done good to most people. I have my family that love me, and my friends that are loyal, as I am to them. I believe that in every relationship, infact with every person, its a matter of give and take, compensation, understanding...because nothing is perfect, people do make mistakes, its just up to other people on how to take it in, how to react. I think its absolutely ridiculous how people would rather mope around because they supposedly 'loved' someone that never appreciated them, but how could you still love someone that has been so terrible to you? I think love is a reason to be listed to be 'taken' because it sounds better than going solo, or better yet,its an excuse to be alone. I know I'm afraid to be alone, but it doesnt necessarily mean i always have to be in a relationship to live. Beautiful smart women who have a lot to offer are normally the ones that end up being the most stupid. Im not speaking this as a derogatory sense, im just saying, and i know a lot of them do agree.

I wonder, have i become completely cynical? I wouldn't say that.. hmm.. but i feel like one day, i will stop hoping, and maybe, just maybe the time when i astop hoping, i will find true love, or maybe i won't, maybe theirs no such thing. And just maybe then, I will become completely cynile, and live until i get old and be known as the old cat lady.

I have always wanted to do different things in my life. I just can't seem to make up what it is that I really do want.

For instance I wouldn't mind being a singer, I would love to sing for an audience that appreciates good music you know? but growing up knowing that you have to study hard, achieve a degree in life, you set those dreams aside. They don't exactly give you a degree in singing do they? ALYSSA PARAS SUMA KOMLAUDE IN THE BAHELORS OF SINGING. oh yeaaah. hahaha.

I also had this thing where i could be a model, only i want that because it's sort of easy money, i can just so imagine myself being a model right, then get all the clothes, shoes and bags i want. :p Also it be easier to get food and books. lol.

Anyways, just a weird thought lol.

Yes finally the frustration, the waiting, the annoyance, the aggitation has ended. I finally got the laptop, it was sort of deja vu when i looked at it, it was as though it had been the same one. Well indeed it looks the same, but not the same. I cant explain the value of the first one, but it was special to me.

The attempt to fix my sleeping pattern is failing misserably i seem to be sleeping all day, waking up at night, then doing my work then. I have become the ultimate insomniac hermit. Cleaning is so overrated, yet i still do it. It's because i cannot stand it being dirty.


6th week already of Uni. I have made notes to the best of my abilities, and hopefully that will contribute to my anxiety of doing the exams. I hate the exams and for some odd reason, everything i have seemed to have studied don't apply. -_- I am determined to be pass all my units this semester, as i am not happy with my last results. I could choose to not do my units againa dn just dorp my major, but nooooo Alyssa really wants to finish her course the way she started it.

Im currently working on an assignment, of making a webpage, to think that with the experience of blogging, and making my own website I will finish it right away. Turns out, when you are actually getting graded for each tiny component you add in it, the stress is on, and it takes you longer, as you develop the disease of being a perfectionist.

Thank god for blogger automatically saving things, it just crashed before and i had a minor heart attack because there is no way i would remember everything i had typed. Anyway... i forgot my trail of thought. But yes, congratulations to my friend Roseanne for making it into Starstruck, and im happy to be there to watch her as this show goes on. I wish her all the luck to make it to the goal she had always dreamed of.

As for me? I'm stuck doing Uni work, but determined, to finish with a good degree...someday. LOL