@ UNI - No internet at Home
Sitting here at the moment in the Library blogging makes me paranoid, as I twist and turn once in while wondering if anyone is looking at what Im talking about.
Well anyway, the move yesterday was hilarious we had to go back again to get some more thing because it wouldn't fit in the car. I forgot to bring the memory card of my camera, I took photos of the place. It was hilarious! I took a shower last night, and I was hesitant to take my clothes off, watching myself slowly in the mirror, as I slip of my jacket, thinkin "I wonder if this mirror has a nanocamera behind it" LOL. So anyway, I jumped in the shower with hesitation and worry, with a vivid imagination like mine, I thought of so many way that shower could have been dirty. I look up and there was this lock of hair just hanging there. It wasn't just 3 strands of hair, i kid you not it was like the size of my pinky. It was a thick strand of hair. it freaked me out, so the whole time i was taking a shower I was leaning to the side, eying the darn thing, wondering if it was alive, and it's jump on me and kill me or something.
Thank god the toilets have the spray thingy, so when people take a dump I wouldnt have to smell it, or vise versa. LOL. Well anyway, I have to go soon, I have class. I have no breaks at all man it's going to kill, thank god i had maccas this morning 10-11 Information Technology lecture 11-12 Maths 12-1 Maths 1-4 Information technology prac TELL HOW HOW HOWWWWWWWWW I surived this last week?
The Move
I sat on my sister's little red chair, studying on the coffee table yesterday, after a long day of packing. Then I feel my left eye twitch as if it's trying to say "hey come on man, its 2am go to bed, im tired" so i did.
Despite of the tiredness I didn't sleep right away due to stressing about things. Thinking about the fact that this is the start of my actual life, like... Im going to Uni and then after that Ima be working for me. No parents, just me. The idea of it is really scary.
Once I get to the new apartment, get settled in, I'd have to start working as well. Jesus, would I have any social life? lol. Probably not, but that doesn't bother me at all though. Somehow Im just perfectly content imagining myself study. LOL. which is weird. I wonder what job I'll get, fuck hospitality, I've had enough of that shit. Working at Mc Donalds was fun, but the customers were made out of satan. Seriously how painful is it to eat fries that have only been out for 5 minnutes that you just have to waste my perfectly managed little time to make a new set of fries? So anyway im thinking retail. That should be fun and pretty relaxed, plus clothes discount man!
I might not have internet though, once I get there, i don't know. Pax said "where are you moving?to the mountains?" Lol. tight arse. A lot of classes and living in the building with those smoke sprinkler thingies would cutt me down on my smoking, which is an upside.
My only problem is, the sleeping, I remember living in a sort of city "taguig" in Essensa in the Philippines, my window was seriously next to the road, and I'd see hot military but ugly guys, running in the morning, they were my alarm clock. Then they wake me up even more with the excitement and laughter the fat guy gives 30 minutes later when all the hot ones have alreay gone.
So this is it Alyssa!! Jesus man, i feel so old. what the hell. Lol, I turn 19 this year. WHat the hell is that?! Lol, being 18 seems not that exciting anymore. Somehow I want to stay young, carefree, and spoiling myself with parental benefits. I guess we just grow up, people change through time, and time changes people.
So to those bitches and idiots that ever hurt me, I chuckle with laughter seeing that now?? You are no where, were as my life is going great. Dicks.
Anyway, my dad's email was hilarious. "it all depends on how much you spend for food....(drink)" bahahaha! LOL. I think ima reduce alcohol consuption, considering brain cells are essential in this thing called 'studying'. LOL. Even learning the true meaning of studying seems to be a chore. But somehow it's become a habit, hopefully it'll stay that way.
I miss my little sister, my mum, dad. :( and all my other family members, but they are motivation to keep going, thinking that my dad is workin his ass off just to get me into Uni. Asking to have money for books, plus everything, the extra expenses because of moving, is embarrassing, but i need to something to get me up and going. Sort of like a shot of vodka before a giant speech, then afterwards the rest is up to you. I miss my friends, both philippines and melbourne. My friend, Lexi as over yesterday, and it made me think what lily said "they've got their own lives now" it was like a big slap on my face, because the night before that they will always be our friends no matter what you know?? But yesterday, lexi seemed so excited getting back to her new friends, whereas we were standing there in front of her, like as if we weren't there. Oh no we're not blaming her or anything, i guess things do just change.
Life is so rapid, and quick. Thinking about that It's already been 6 months since I graduated off highschool, but only 6 months has gone pass, but so much has changed. I want my mummy. :'( lol.
It's just going to be really awkward, because its a shared student accomodation, man. That's just weird, my shitting patterns are going to be fucked up. You might say "eewww" but guess what? OH BOOHOO! grow up. It's a normal thing. BAAAAH.
Good Bye, unlimited internet broadband, foxtel, dodgey backyard, watering plants, cleaning kitchen, carefree life, hello great responsibility, room vaccuuming, and awkward shitting.
Hope. Programming. Sleep Deprived.
First week of University life is already tiring, and challenging. But I have to say it is really exciting for me, being able to program crap and making them do shit. It's cool. Which reminds me why I did this course in the first place, because it really is interesting for me. Despite that, it is really tiring travelling to and from for 5 hours.
Moving out of the house soon, its a weird feeling not being able to be home, its different when you move with your family, as to moving by yourself knowing that this is it, the start of being responsible to survive for yourself. I just can't imagine myself, just yet. It's weird, i just can't explain it. It's fear and excitement put together.
Hope. I found that when I lose hope for someone, I gain hope for myself, sort of like a motivation I use, a juice to make myself stronger. As though I want to prove that I can do it, as though Im so afraid to appear weak that I make myself stronger. Which is good i guess. When the people you thought were going to help you, somehow fail you, but that happens and there's no point in thinking about it and getting even more disappointed.
STOP. You can do this.
Start
So tomorrow is the start of the school year. Another phase of stress, studying, and drunken nights. LOL. I have 3 lectures all close to each other tomorrow, gonna have to make a run to another room. LOL. Damn it. Damn my lung incapability of cardio work.
I was pretty drunk last night lol, we went out drinkin with my mum it was hilarious. I got a hangover this morning, thus again thank god for the existence of Advil. Without out, my drinking days will not be complete and wouldn't be so enjoyable. I have to revise my books to know what the lecturer is going to talk about tomorrow, but the question is... Do i have enough brain cells left? hmm. I wonder if it would be a challenge trying to understand the books, with its series and series of symbols and mumbos.
Well anyway, last night I went to do some thinking before i passed out completely from the room spinning so quickly, that I'll be okay... I think ill be okay. No no no scratch that I WILL BE OKAY infact ill be so okay that Ill be great. There's no point mopin around and crying, Im shapin up and do some lovin for myself. Make myself happy you know? It's time to stop worrying about other people and start worrying about myself, I think i deserve it. I do not deserve to punish myself, lol. I need to get over it and just move on, that nothing will happen, regardless of how many tears and praying I have to do, the circumstances will always be the same. So.. I will hold my head up high, and smile. Be happy, and worry about myself, focus on my studies and possibly find more friends.
So to start making myself happy, today I vent my pain, and move on. Today I painted my nails red, and satisfied myself by painting my favourite colour, red, on my finger nails. And yes it may seem shallow and irrelevant but I am somehow happy. Today I will sing, and splurge myself and spoil myself with countless stationary I will get from officeworks. With the help of my mother offcieworks will become a sanctuary of peace and happiness! lol.
It's time for a change with the new chapter in the book of my life, make a better history for the future.
Tears of joy? Or tears of sadness?
The second time I cried today, the first time was when my mum was on skype and my dog Bo was on the camera, i wanted to just hold him so badly, that i cried, and also I was happy to see him. Tonight, i cried again because I saw muffin.
I could have chosen to go with family, but i chose to stay to persue my 'dream', i don't know I just don't have any place in the Philippines anymore by the time I get there, It would be probably be too complicated to get into a decent University. Also they don't have my course.
I start next week, orientation week was okay, my course is really a dominating course, somehow I feel sort intimidated, but I wont let that get in the way. I know regardless of gender I can pass it and get there the same. I looked at my course overview and jesus christ its dreadful. Im anxious of whether I'll be able to do it or not, programming softwares? phooaah man. It's exciting to know nthat I'll be able to learn it, and also scary that it looks complicated. Im enjoying the previleges though, my course provides me with free softwares which is great, but its pretty time consuming one, also... with expense like internet requirements, plus rent to move closer. Seriously travelling there everyday has gotten me so tired. Still haven't found a place. So stress is already catching up with me from the long holiday i had lol. I think its making up for all that free time!
This is it! A new chapter of my life, its scary but Im happy that the University has good facilities and very good range of resources.
Mum's leaving next week, monday. It's pretty sad, lol. Just as when I got used to her being here and now she's leaving. That's always been the case! Yeah but i guess that's the price you pay yeah? Well anyway, I don't know. LOL. I'm pretty bummed up, i hate being alone. In the whole australia, im the only one living here with no family. How dodgey lol? But once I get busy I think I'll get distracted, with all these gloomy and blue issues.
I've started pre reading my book, to be prepared, that's what the prof said. He grouped emailed everyone telling us what to do and stuff and that was really good help, also provided a site of good resources and toturials and all that, so that when we get there we wont be clueless of what to do, i wonder if anyone else is doing it, or am i the only one being paranoid? and being a geek?
My stomach curls just thinking about all the units of work to do!
Music and everything else
For some odd reason, i thought about all the blessings that I have. I seem to do that when I've lost hope, trying to find a reason to bring myself up again. Most of the time it works.
Music, has become a big part of my life since i was very little, I started singing probably before i could talk. I never realized how much music has influenced me in my life until today, lol. I was listening to music, and it was soulful, some songs i could relate to a lot, some songs that made me cry. It's just nice to know, that somewhere im not the only one. The gift of singing, somehow takes out the burden, of hurt, pain, and longing.
Im worried about the apartment, I start Uni next week, and we still haven't gotten a place yet, that means I would have to wake up really early and that would suck. Yesterday I woke up at 4.30am just to get there at 9am.
There's a hurricane here lol. wth.
I listened to this song, and it's beautiful, hope some people can relate to it too! Oh how i wish. lol
Love Story - Taylor Swift
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go
And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while
Oh, oh, oh
'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go
And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and he pulled out a ring
And said
Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
We were both young when I first saw you
new school
Tomorrow would the the first day ever to make an impression. First impressions last I reckon, and if it doesn't it always takes a long time to redeem a good impression. More or less, im nervous of how people would take me, if ever i'd be the lonely nerd. lol. Either way I know somehow i know I'll make new friends. The question is would they be like the friends i have now? I guess it's a process we all have to go through again.
I act as though this is my first time I've always moved school ever since I was a little girl and it has been the same feeling every single time I had to face the whole school as the new girl. I guess this time it should be easier because all of us will be new to the school. Chest tightening, stomach butterflies and the none stop giggling is what i get. I don't know why but i laugh like a bloody hyena when i get all shy and embarrast. Yes i make myself look like an idiot.
5 years old, was the first time I had to try and sleep because I was so anxious about the next day, I had to move to 3 kindergarden schools because i wasn't getting along with the little brats. Then finally I had settled down in one school. Grade 2 I had to move schools again, and I was new, the 'new catholic girl' I was known as moving into a 'iglesia ni kristo' / 'church of england' school. I sstood there lead the prater as I watched them with shocked faces as i did the sign of the cross. How was I supposed to know? LOL. Grade 3 I moved to North Williamstown primary school, and they all spoke to me so slow, as if i didn't understand english this time i was known as 'the new chocolate faced girl', yes i earned that title lol. I didn't even have to work hard for it too! Grade 4 I moved to Marymount, the first school i actually stayed in for a while, I skipped a grade when i moved back to australia, i was supposed to be in year 9, but i went straight to year 10. Again with the slow talking, suprised as the year level coordinator she goes "oh, you have an aussie accent!" Graduate there at MSJ for highschool, leaving me behind from my friends in Marymount, I watched them graduate before me, they had a little slideshow of how it was througout the years, I wasn't even in one of the photos :'( And now, Deakin University. Oh god, another process, I wonder what title I'll earn this time.
Anxious, I wonder when were going to be able to get an apartment. Frustrated as well because it seems like a very hard process. So tomorrow, I have to travel for about 2 hours just to get to Deakin. And if we don't get one soon, it'll be a 2 hour process of going to and from Deakin. By the time ill get home, id be too tired to eat.
Besides all that anxiety and nervousness, and frustration, I am sort of excited, I am now an official University student! Which sounds great! Lol.
