Demonic Angel

where were you when i needed you?

If only people could understand every single thing that goes into my mind. Call me insane i don't care, but somehow no matter how much i try to put into words how missrable i feel it's like everyone just ignores this notion, and just nod their heads like nothing wrong.

Last night, i burst out into tears, hid it from everyone like i always did, but this time i couldnt do it, do it alone. Things that were bad were put into though and i knew it wasnt leading into no good. I couldn't talk to anyone. No one seemed to care, people i trusted didn't bother or made an effort as i cried like mofo, on the phone. Who do i turn to really? Who? I eventually reduced to sending my mother an embarassing message showing weakness. Yeat again i showed her weakness.

It's all too late now, nothing can be changed, no action can be done, when everything is in place. What do you, when no matter how hard you try to froget the pain, when you're left alone you just cant help but feel reatardedly emotional. Realising that no one really cared of my state, of how fucked up i am, i couldn't help but cry even more. I was crying like a baby crawling up like an idiot. Then i felt my heart tightening, felt my throat gasping for air, as if it was my only way to surive, i try subsequently to breathe into a straw-like hole. What do i do? I run outside, hearing nothing but my sobs and hizz..I try to wake up my bestfriend and cry cry even more, could not explain what was going on because i myself didn't know.

By then my heart was beating faster, felt like i couldn't take anymore puff of that pump. So i stop. Stop and i try to breathe as slowly as i can throught the straw. Then the straw slowly became bigger, and all i feel is my heart racing, tears falling from my eyes, as i willingly gave up and told her everything. Then i fall asleep with nothing in my head but it.

posted by aL ♥ @ 11:54 pm