Demonic Angel

I sit here wondering this will all be over, wondering if there was any hope left, wondering if i was even allowed to have hope or some sort of faith. Somehow i wish that I didn't care at all. I wish I was cold as a rock, hard as a rock, strong as a rock.

I somehow try to replace the sadness with a temporary happiness, of music, I dance hysterically to just somehow get all the pain, hate, anger, frustration and everything else out. Or ill furiously try to push back the piercing that is completely fucked up on my ear right now, the stud is in the middle of the hole. -_- it doesn't seem to work as my mouth waters with the stinging pain. I think i need to go doctors to get it fixed, maybe they'll numb it and yank it out.

The thought of cleaning, eating, crosses my mind and yet i don't find the urge to. Sleep, and drink is what i think as i smell the smoke that's seems to be stuck it. I somehow wish everything will be fine, but somehow i know it won't be. There is so much i want to say and yet i refrain myself, im too much afraid to look idiotic and pathetic.

I question myself, does anyone know what im going through? Or does anyone think that ill just get over it? Because really i cant. Everything i love i can't have. Im not speaking in terms of material things.

God this is pathetic.