Demonic Angel

I came across a cleo magazine that 3 of chipped in for, we figured if we read the magazine we might as well chip in for it. and then i read about 'vaginoplasties', where women get a plastic surgery down there. I didn't even know that option existed. Are women of today really that insecure? Even vagina vanity came into existence?

I understand that people feel insecure about their bodies therefore try to get it in shape, and i also understand that if you have the money, why not? what i don't understand is why women come into that extent of thinking. It's funny really, I mean, I think i have small boobs, and i do feel insecure about it, but it doesn't ruin my way of living and it doesn't affect me as a person. It's just really shocking, and even if i had the money i wouldn't even think of getting a surgery. Why? because there's no point. I mean people will accept who you are if you accept who you are and if you deliver it well.

It made me come to thinking about all those years where people made me feel insecure about myself, may it be my boobs and my colour. That i wasn't white like all those other people, but whose to say what is beautiful? who's to say that 'white' is beautiful. People have come to the conclusion that what it considered beautiful is what's 'beautiful'. People's reality of beautiful have come from society getting used to what the media portray as beautiful. The second part of the cleo magazine is called ' CLEO BODY love the way you look' and this section of the magazine include sections like ' The meat backlash' which emphasizes the the women who become vegetarians are doing good to the world, and have become beautiful. Don't get me wrong i have nothing against vegtarians, but the hell man? 'The weight loss industry' ; 'What do skinny women eat?' ; 'One bite at a time ' ; 'The naked health check' show's a picture of a naked woman, with a leaf on her vadge, with lines drawn across her flaws along with those lines are criticisisms, the section totally reassures it's whole point!! " LOVE THE WAY YOU LOOK " how can women love the way they look when these things are on it!? I just don't see the whole thing, it just contradicts the whole idea of making women feel better about themselves. And yet again this is just me trying to find something to do.

Many things differ to different women, i have friends who say they are fat, and their not, i try to explain the mechanism of genetics, where people are just born with a bigger frame than others. You can't just use Victoria Secret model as your goal. If i were to write what 'skinny people eat' and apply what i eat to the magazine, you will not believe me because although i eat as much as i want, i am still skinny. So things do differ for people. Another section of the magazine is "feel good and look better' hahahaha!!! I'll let you think about that.

People need to understand the concept of the media, the media is not their for you to feel bad about yourself and to say that this is what PEOPLE ACCEPT. They are merely there to advertise their goal is to make you feel bad so that you buy their product, therefore establishing an emotional appeal. "Call now and get it absolutely free!! your for free!!!" and you'll see this tiny little text in white that says, pay by credit card on 25 dollars.

Getting back to my whole point, people shouldn't feel bad for themselves, as long as you are healthy and feeling good then that's fine, im not saying that you can go out and eat as many greesy food and be obese, because obesity is just not healthy, and if i elaborate more on that, then it would be a complete different subject, making my post irrelevant.

I just wanted to post my view on this.

I am happy to say that my Media folio, the one i have mentioned weeks ago about me accidentally seeing my grade. Well its been short-listed for top designs 2009! Yey well im hoping it does get in. :) I wish my visual communication folio have gotten in as well.

I have found this old camera, those huge ones, with big lenses that photographers use, my mum has one except its digital. Well this one is not, it has similar features, very much alike actually, but the only difference is that, it runs through film. It's a great feeling i guess having the anticipation of how my shots would look like. I've been experimenting with different settings, :) but it would still be better if it was digital. I just love the sound of the camera clicking, succesfully capturing how i want the image to come out. The framing..the light. Well i hope it does come out the way i wanted it to be!

Okay im going to a friend's 18th debutant, and uhm i was going to wear my bridesmaid gown that i wore to my mums wedding. Only to realize that, she had taken it to the philippines! lol.

Well i've been bored, nothing to do. This whole media things has gotten me to do some thinking though as i needed to sign some stuff. Luckily the school has agreed to mail it to the place for me which is great, since the folio weighs tons, well im over exaggerating, but you know what i mean. The post office charges the things sent by it's weight. I once mailed a book the was a centimetre think, and it cost me 7 bucks. LOL, i thought it would be like a dollar or something.

My birthday is comming up!! 11 days to go!! :) how exciting, although i dont have anyone to empathize me because most of the people i know have already turned 18, i have only 5 friends who haven't, Kyle Rodrigues (dec 7th) Lily do (Jan 8th) Dianne Allegre (December 20) Nicole Dvaz (December 15) and Stephanie Phan (April 23rd). Lol. I can always remember Kyle's birthday, although he's in bankok, haha. Miss him loads!

Well i should probably go to bed as i am ruining my sleeping cycle. It's 2 am here, and im still not in bed. Who cares? I have nothing planned anyway. I managed to convince myself that going out would only make me spend money. Even if i don't do shopping, i still have to pay for food and coffee. and besides, hayfever is a bitch. Agh i hate it, i sneeze like no tomorrow, and runny nose, itchy eyes, why do these things even occur on people it is so mean.

People have been asking me what i want for my birthday... i give them this blank look and yet i try to pretend i know the answer, it wasn't hard. I was clueless i didn't know at that moment what i really wanted, what do i really want? Right now, its been hard to think of what i want, but rather what i NEED. I don't know why, i used to buy loads of magazine like i had to have a doze of it every month, it sort of gave me the satisfaction. Now it just makes me feel bad, i see all the clothes, and all the other useless things that i want to get but i ddnt need, so it keeps getting me to thinking that i wouldn't have enough money for my needs. Although i do, i just keep thinking 'just in case' and i guess it's been a wise choice.

I was reading all the posts from one of the pages today, I came across people complaining about judgements made of them and accompanying it with a phrase that reassures people that they don't give a crap about what people say. In my opinion, why post something like that in the first place if doesn't bother you? I guess I'm just finding something to do.

I've been bored, come on man, schools over. I still wake up at 6 am thinking I've forgotten to do homework, and I've completely slacked off the night before, I then realize that, there is no more school, and that I have nothing to do.

The other day I did this work out with my friend, she looked like she needed someone there to somehow get the motivation to do it, and so Alyssa comes to the rescue and does the work out with her. And of course, I needed to lose the abs fat from all the junk food and all the fatty food I’ve eaten from the food cravings I got every time I had to study, it was some sort of excuse to have a five minute break from studying. lol. So yes, my chest muscles officially hurt, as i try to shampoo my hair, and my but cheeks as i try to sit down, my thighs as i try to squat to feed my dogs.

I went to a friends 18th wearing a 3inch stiletto heels, i didn't trip the whole night, i quite delivered my little performance that i was completely feeling gorgeous and not that i had blisters on my feet and it was killing me, that part was left out from the world to see. And so my friend hired a bus where everyone was dropped of to their respective houses, and as i got of the bus, the bloody heels slipped from the little dense of moist on the steps, i landed on the grass though, of someone’s front lawn in front of my house, and then i laughed hysterically, to cover up my clumsiness, it worked quite well. I stood up (it was dark and the mirrors didn’t reflect any light so then I couldn’t see it) and bumped my head on the side mirror. I walk off casually still recovering from the fall and still laughing. We went to a stand up comedy thing, it was hilarious. I think from that I have burnt off calories from my facial muscles and from my abs as I was laughing my heart out.

I miss my family, living alone isn’t as fun as people think it is. I mean I have friends over but still it aint the same. People are like “that’s so cool” not if you’re a monophobe its not! Haha. Yeah I guess being alone scares the shit out of me. But the sweetest thing was that before my dad left, he subtly asked me to come and talk to him because he was going to teach me to do things around the house. And while doing so, he apologized that he yelled at me, and explained how stressful the move was for him. I noticed it beforehand so I didn’t really care that he did, I just subtly yelled back “I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF EVERYONE WAS EATING TOGETHERR!!!!” hahaha. Well it’s been all stressful for us, I mean I had my exams during that time and I was freaking out. I think its been very hard for my little sister mostly, because she doesn’t know how to deliver out the pain she feels you know? SO instead, she somehow finds her temporary happiness from buying ‘The Veronicas’ products, like a 20$ shirt, -_- I don’t even get a $20 shirt you know.what the hell. Haha. But yeah, I understand what she’s going through. I feel sorry for my mum, and yet proud of her. To have the divided attention for Danielle and me, come on man? That’s gotta be hard. Plus, the amount of trust she’s given me, to have a 17 year old daughter, plus turning 18, that’s scary right? In a way it is good because she knows that I am responsible I will not be idiotic about my actions.

Muffin, my little dog, is getting better, she had this thing called hematoma and her ear swelled up. L poor baby. But she’s good now, she the only dog I know that takes so much drugs lol. She’s a sicky one, but now she’s been really happy, running around and stuff. She’s 10 years old. L I don’t want her to leeeeeeeeeeave me. Huhu. Bo, on the other hand, is very healthy, and an imbecile. Lol. But I love him, even though he’s established how to get in and out of the dog flap, he still forgets about it, and cries out side the door.

That’s it for today I think, ive ran out of things to say.
Lol.
Im out.

I am so excited to be a highschool graduate, i mean i made it!! We still have exams but the fact is, knowing that i've graduated is motivating me to study, to be the best i can be. lol. corny i know.

The latest Viao

Vaio CS

Currently: Studying for maths.