Hating it
Earlier before we headed home, I said i needed load, and my mom got all mad. She said why do i have to call parati. Hindi naman eh, just at night. Why can't they ever gt my situation? Did they ask me if i was happy being here? no. Do they care of how i feel? i think No. They do not know how much pain i am going through. They would always say "bata ka pa, hindi pa xa ang makakatuluyan mo" "marami pa jang iba" "makakahanap ka pa ng iba". Why does it always have to be like that? As i said to Carla last night, she said maybe they are just too old to remember how to fall in love. I dont know. Ma doesn't know how much i cry each night, she doesn't know how much i wish the photo of hun sitting next to me is real, she doesn't know how painful it is, and how hard it was to leave someone special behind. Makakahanap ng iba? and then what? lilipat nanaman and i would get my heart broken?
I know i aint a perfect daughter she doesn't have to rub it all in my face everyday, almost every hour. I know I smoke, I smoke coz of depression, back in the Philippines i smoked coz we didn't get a long well like we used to, and here? the same thing, but another stressful thing was added, and that was to be away from hun. Wala man lang kacomfort comfort na bnbgy si ma, to make things worse she yells a m about it, about not talking to him anymore. I hate it. I just hate it.
It's hurting me to see that everyone is liking it here, they are you know? contented, and they really want to live here, as for me? I'm living like hell, i may not show it, I mean hello? living at a great place, but it isn't just making me happy, it's making me sad. Ever since we got here there wasn't a night i didn't cry.
I just miss hun so much you know? and no one here understands. I miss my friends, i miss everything. I was contented with everything there. I was, and they took it all away. I know this can be a great oppurtunity for me, but sana naman intindihin ako ni mama na kung bakit ako tumatawag gabi gabi diba? nahiwalay na nga ako sa mga mhal ko lalo pa nyang dinidiin na mali ako.
I've got to stop this typing now peeps, im crying like hell. Bummer. It's like i want to die, and end this pain right now! but then i think, what about hun?
I know i aint a perfect daughter she doesn't have to rub it all in my face everyday, almost every hour. I know I smoke, I smoke coz of depression, back in the Philippines i smoked coz we didn't get a long well like we used to, and here? the same thing, but another stressful thing was added, and that was to be away from hun. Wala man lang kacomfort comfort na bnbgy si ma, to make things worse she yells a m about it, about not talking to him anymore. I hate it. I just hate it.
It's hurting me to see that everyone is liking it here, they are you know? contented, and they really want to live here, as for me? I'm living like hell, i may not show it, I mean hello? living at a great place, but it isn't just making me happy, it's making me sad. Ever since we got here there wasn't a night i didn't cry.
I just miss hun so much you know? and no one here understands. I miss my friends, i miss everything. I was contented with everything there. I was, and they took it all away. I know this can be a great oppurtunity for me, but sana naman intindihin ako ni mama na kung bakit ako tumatawag gabi gabi diba? nahiwalay na nga ako sa mga mhal ko lalo pa nyang dinidiin na mali ako.
I've got to stop this typing now peeps, im crying like hell. Bummer. It's like i want to die, and end this pain right now! but then i think, what about hun?
posted by aL ♥ @ 3:39 pm
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